


Once Upon a Time

by DterminD



Series: The Crystal Collection [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Feelings Realization, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Men Crying, Miqo'te Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), POV First Person, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Requited Love, Romantic Angst, Specific Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Storytelling, Tags Contain Spoilers, Unresolved Tension, crystal tower spoilers, kabedon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25124266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DterminD/pseuds/DterminD
Summary: Once Upon A Timefocuses on the moment after Raphail Somnalune, Norvrandt’s victorious Warrior of Darkness, steps through the portal back to the Source after the final battle concludes — and realizes that he’s made aterriblemistake.Raphail’s long, painful journey to the First comes to its inevitable, bittersweet end. Swept along against his will by the urgency of carrying news to and from the Source, he resigns himself to the necessity of leaving his friends behind, perhaps for quite some time. But with every step he takes, the words he failed to say to his oldest, dearest friend weigh heavier on his battered soul. It is not long before he turns back, determined to speak both his mind and his heart once and for all.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: The Crystal Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819948
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Once Upon a Time

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER WARNING: _Once Upon a Time_ contains spoilers for the _Shadowbringers_ expansion. Please complete the main story quest "Shadowbringers" before reading. The identity of the Crystal Exarch is revealed.
> 
> CONTINUITY WARNING: Events from [_Memoirs of a Miqo’te_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25123735) are mentioned. Readers that aren’t familiar with _Memoirs_ can still enjoy the story, but references to Raphail-specific subjects may feel out of place or unexplained. In particular, both Raphail and the Exarch refer to Raphail by his birth name, Raph’ir Sahra.

Do not seek the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.  
—Matsuo Basho

_I have to go back._

It was the first thought that entered my mind, as the slowest cells of my body and soul completed their impossible transfer back to the silence of the Syrcus Trench. Whether it came to me sometime during the long journey between stars, or upon the exact moment of my return to the Source, I couldn’t begin to guess. If anyone held the answer to that question, it would be _him_ — but I’d placed an entire star between us, without so much as a by-your-leave, instead of asking. How he ever thought so much of me in the first place remained a mystery.

His kind, gentle smile, bidding me return to my _true_ duty back home, still haunted me. It was a lie, like all the others he’d told in the name of keeping me — and himself — on the necessary path to salvation. It hadn’t escaped my notice that all the revelry surrounding his rescue, the return of the night sky, and our victory over Emet-Selch had prevented any hope of discussing things in private since the Light took hold of me. Perhaps that, too, was part of his plan.

The many long years he’d spent in the Crystal Tower gave him the advantage between us — he was comfortable _waiting_ , and had been for longer than I’d lived. The idea might have been comical once, but I’d lost my taste for the punchline the moment I saw his face. How much suffering had he already buried over the decades, knowing that any failure on his part to do so could cost me my life? Why _wouldn’t_ he do whatever it took to ensure my success?

_And I helped him do it. Time after time, I get swept up in the ever-flowing current of duty and necessity that is the eternal burden of the Warrior of Light — and Darkness, too._

_All in the name of—_

Of _what_ , exactly? The Source _needed_ me. That part was no omission; no twist of the truth. With the other Scions yet trapped in Norvrandt, of course it fell to me to bridge the gap between worlds in their stead. He was _right_ to think I couldn’t stay, and _right_ to put the focus on fixing the new problems brought about by his unexpected _survival_ — however off-putting the concept sounded. But as eager as I was to take the measure of things back in Eorzea, I had to admit that another single handful of bells would not be likely to change the flow of her future.

The only thing to blame for the silence, then, was his pride. And mine, too.

The bitter truth was that the idea of facing him alone, knowing everything he’d done for my sake — and everything he _could_ and _would_ have done, had fate not intervened! — left me unable to string five coherent words together at once. Absent the terrifying urgency brought about by the Ascian menace, I’d lost the will to pretend I could. He wasn’t the only one keeping his distance. The effort it took to hold my own composure as I stepped through his portal betrayed me.

 _Of all the people, in all the places, in all the worlds… it had to be_ him _. I thought I’d made my peace years ago. And now I’m like to never do so again._

 _Twelve damn you…_ G’raha Tia _._

The sound of his name after so long still brought forth as much of a reaction from me as it did from him. I closed my eyes against the rising tide of my own memories.

_His smile, almost imperceptible, as he raised his staff aloft in a final tribute, poised to tear the Light and all its agony from my battered soul, even at the cost of his own._

He knew I would stop him if I’d known his plan. He used that very fact against me.

_The suffering on his face as he fell, pierced by Emet-Selch’s twisted shot, robbed of the chance to fulfill his self-appointed duty to me in his final moments._

For the second time, he left me behind, knowing I’d never see him again.

_His crimson eyes, closed tight against emotions he dared not speak in front of me or the others, as he begged forgiveness for the master plan that could have saved us all._

_I_ should apologize to _him_. For everything he lost. For everything he had to save.

_The tears of joy that he couldn’t hide, at just a few simple words of acceptance from me._

If he hadn’t turned away when he did, he would have seen mine, too.

_One. Hundred. Years._

For this.

For… me.

None of the countless tragedies I’d witnessed, or the countless miracles I’d played my part in, could have ever prepared me for the resolve in his purpose and the depth of his feelings for me. Even though a part of me understood all too well, it didn’t seem _possible_ that our research into the Crystal Tower could have changed so much for us both.

But after all the secrets we unraveled together, and all the unanswered questions we found, he still insisted that I somehow altered the very course of his grand, terrifying — and at times, beautiful — future. It was true enough that he might never have understood his past or purpose without my intervention, but what credit did I deserve for that? _He_ was the one that chose to step forward and embrace the truth of what he found for himself. _I_ was there to swing my sword.

_I… only wanted to help, back then. It was something to keep my hands busy. An adventure… a chance to explore the unknown history of Eorzea for myself. Surely you know that. If those books in the Umbilicus are any indication, you know more about me than I do now._

I opened my eyes again to find that the men responsible for guarding the teleportation device in the Source were staring at me, uncertainty written on their faces. My sudden return had caused quite a stir; after all, I’d left under such _unexpected_ circumstances. Whatever the watchmen had expected to see today, it wasn’t the prodigal Warrior of Light pacing up and down the Syrcus Trench like a man possessed, muttering about other worlds and men half made of crystal.

What could I say to them that would explain it?

_Nice weather we’re having today. Don’t mind me, I’m over here thinking about this guy I met, a long, long time ago, that locked himself up in a magitek tower and went to sleep for a few generations. He woke up one day and heard I’d gotten myself killed along with most of the bloody population, so he helped your doomed progeny bend the laws of reality to go back in time and save me — on some other star. He would have died doing it too, if some smarmy bastard claiming to be perfect hadn’t shot him. Ask Cid or Rammbroes if you don’t believe me._

_Right. They’ll call a healer before the next bell chimes, even if I_ am _the Warrior of Light. And I don’t need that in the Mythril Eye on top of everything else right now._

“Master Somnalune?” A man in Ironworks livery approached me, concerned for my well-being; I assumed my face must have given away my inner turmoil. On any other day, his kindness would have touched my heart. Today, it felt like a punch to the gut. “Is aught—“

“I’m fine. Thank you. Just… a little tired is all.”

“Of course.” He nodded, but something was still amiss; his attention didn’t leave my face the way I expected. After a momentary silence, all became clear. “Welcome back. Though… forgive me, but those pale streaks in your hair were brighter before, aye? Blonde, almost?”

_Oh. I actually managed to forget, for once._

I didn’t need to look for myself. The mirror in my room at the Pendants spared no detail in the change as it happened; a little more every day that I spent in Norvrandt. Perhaps the difference in the passage of time between worlds was to blame, or the weight of everything that had happened since my arrival, but the end result was unmistakable. When I was a kitten, my mother once joked that Menphina’s rays had kissed me on my way to the world. Now Her gift lay stark and lifeless, leaving the steel gray of deep winter threaded through my purple mane.

“Heh. You know, it’s rude to ask a man’s age.”

I’d meant it as a friendly attempt to evade the question, but there was an unexpected edge to my voice; the man took several steps backward, serving as unwelcome proof of my unstable mind and heart. It might have been embarrassing — if I cared. And I didn’t. “R-Right. Sorry to bother you. We’ll let you or the boss know if anything changes as always, all right?”

 _No,_ I’m _sorry. You deserve better from me. Someone you knew was probably there when—_

I turned on a heel without answering him, my gaze already focused on the crystal-studded horizon. My feet moved with a will of their own, back through the same footprints I’d left on my last journey across the trench. I heard him pause, uncertain of whether to pursue the matter or seek help from someone braver. In the end, silence filled the space behind me as he returned to his post, leaving me with only my endless thoughts — and the Exarch — to blame.

_Tsk. This all made more sense back when you decided to quit running me around in circles after aethersand, you damned show-off. Remember that stupid cliff dive of yours? I do. I hope your books told you how much I wanted to rub your nose in that._

_And… okay, fine. How much I wished I’d thought of making an entrance like that myself. Does your confidence come more naturally to you, I wonder? Or were you trying to hide your nerves even then? It’s what I would have done in your place._

I’d had years to think it over, since the day he sealed the door of the Crystal Tower. As young and naive and stupid as I was in hindsight, being at his side never failed to bring out the best in me. The weight of my inner world seemed to fall away; keeping up my usual facade of bravery felt like less of a strain. As he asked for my help to pursue the truth, it became clear that he struggled with his own secret charge, but I never thought twice about offering my hand.

Perhaps it was only habit, but putting an end to a tragic tale from an era long past, and helping to hand its future off to a worthy successor… for a few brief moments, I thought I had seen the barest glimpse of the hero he believed me to be. And then, newfound purpose in hand, he became a hero in his own right. I was so proud of us both — but of course, there was a cost.

I was no Allagan royalty. What could I have said to help lift the weight from his shoulders? Still, I knew something of what it meant to carry a burden so heavy. I told myself I understood his grand plan, even if I didn’t want to. He _needed_ to go — the same way I needed to fulfill my duty as the Warrior of Light. And so I watched, unable to find the words even then, as he said his farewells, ready to sleep for an eternity. Until Eorzea became a better, wiser, braver place.

If only it actually _had_.

In the meantime, it felt as if I’d lost my family all over again — or so I thought, back then. The ache was deep enough; the loss took as much time to grieve, even though I knew him to still be alive somewhere inside the Tower, sleeping. If anything, that knowledge made it harder to bear. What adventures might we have had together, if only I’d gone with him; if only he’d stayed?

I might have waited there forever, hoping he’d change his mind, if not for the treachery in the Sultanate that set my feet upon their fateful path to Ishgard. In the midst of the long, bloody war between dragon and man, I found more than redemption and a new sense of purpose. Ser Aymeric’s insatiable curiosity for me encouraged my own in him, opening my eyes to… a different, unexpected sort of adventure. Of course, duty and necessity played their parts there as well. Our rushed, clandestine meetings every few months did little to ease the transition.

Despite the intensity of our scattered affairs, I’d assumed that particular awakening to be an anomaly. I’d always had a weakness for the strength, wit, and cleverness he brought to bear on all the lives he touched, mine included. But that was before I’d heard the Exarch choke on his memories of a world in which I’d already died. It was before I sat by his side in Kholusia and listened to his dream of future grand adventures, aching to tell him I wanted the same; before the arrival of the slowly dawning realization that I _was_ the person he longed to share them with.

And it was before I’d fallen to my knees before him and the others; crushed under the Light’s heel, screaming with everything left of myself to _stand_ and _fight_ , still helpless to do more than wield his name as a weapon against the tragic scene around me.

By the time his hood fell away, I already knew whose face I would see. Who else could control the Tower? Who else could explain the easy, comfortable, affectionate banter between us at Duergar’s Tewel? Who else would lie through his teeth to spin a clever — if clearly false — fiction, even as I lay dying, to spare me the grief of what was soon to come?

Only one answer made any sense at all.

_Fate really does move in circles. You probably know this, but my eldest brother Allaz was a Seeker. I’d put five thousand gil on you being the greatest of friends, if he still lived. I thought that was why… but I should have looked deeper. Mama’s soulmate was a Seeker, too._

_I guess it must run in the family. Even if some of us are too blind to see it at first. Even if we try to bury it to forget what we’ve lost. What we never had the chance to know._

Admitting it to myself felt somehow like breathing air into my lungs for the first time, and forgetting how to breathe at all, in equal measures. I was no stranger to the whims of romance, but in that moment, I felt as if Dalamud had fallen all over again.

 _Thal’s_ balls _. How many years have you tried your hardest to hold back, Sahra? You're the Twelves-damned Warrior of Light. You know your story won’t end with a happily-ever-after. Better to pretend to be some sort of air-headed playboy than to know what you’re missing — that’s what you said, and you used to believe it. It served you well. And yet, look at you now, ready to tear down the stars themselves if that would help make the impossible possible._

 _Well, in that case, you’re doing a piss-poor job of it, aren’t you? Right now, you’re no Warrior of Light. You’re no Warrior of Darkness. You’re an absolute, world-class, top-shelf_ fool _._

A dull ache in my jaw brought me back to the world around me; my teeth were clenched hard enough to grind diamond to a fine powder. I’d stopped somewhere in the middle of my pacing, and the silence around me seemed to go on forever. The Crystal Tower loomed above me, stretching into the sky for hundreds of yalms. A small part of me considered taking Scarlotta for a quick ride down to its gates; how many times had I knocked on that titanic door to no avail?

 _Tsk. He said he didn’t_ need _sleep anymore, but I guess he must_ like _it well enough in this world. Besides, knowing what awaits him in the future… maybe it’s kinder to let him dream._

And I still had a job to do. The Source _needed_ me. And in order to accomplish _that_ mission, I needed to put an end to the unfinished business I had left behind in Norvrandt.

_I have to go back._

I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and headed back toward the teleportation device. Cid’s man still looked uneasy, and the Son of Saint Coinach cleared his throat at my approach. They’d clearly discussed my behavior and found it lacking — as well they should have.

“Pardon the intrusion, gentlemen. I… seem to have left something behind on my way here. Could I trouble you for a ride back? It would mean a lot to this _old man_.”

 _Heh. If_ you’re _going to follow in_ my _footsteps, you’d best be prepared for me to do the same whenever it pleases me, you little—_

“Uh, begging your pardon, sir. There’s a message for you first.” I glanced over at the Ironworks employee who’d spoken, confused. “Rammbroes sent it. Tell him.”

The Son of Saint Coinach frowned at him and scratched his head before turning to me. “Maybe it’ll make sense to you. He said you should ‘tell him hello.’ Maybe he meant Urianger?”

“…y-yeah. That’s probably it. I’ll be sure to pass it along. Thanks.”

_Rammbroes, you old bastard. You’re far more canny than I ever gave you credit for. Let nobody say you haven’t changed things here in the Source already, G’raha. We’ll… still make you proud, someday. I’ll make this future worth everything you’ve sacrificed to save it._

_And this time, I won’t die trying._

With that thought, I took hold of the teleportation device with hands that were already starting to shake. As before, the world twisted around me, but this time I was prepared for it. The journey between stars would give me plenty of time to figure out what I planned to say to him.

In the end, of course, it still wasn’t enough. I should have known.

* * *

The crystalline blue of the Ocular hadn’t changed at all since my departure. The bright crimson of my coat reflected off the dark marble floor, in stark contrast to the sea of cobalt laced with gold filigree. Each visit had always felt like coming home, even if I didn’t quite _belong_ the way he did; this time, I knew why. The sealed Umbilicus was as much his heartbeat as the Tower’s.

_Thanks to me._

He stood where I’d left him; near the portal, a distant look in his crimson eyes and a rare half-smile gracing his lips. The heavy hood he’d worn to keep me from recognizing his face still hung unused down his back. The silvery streaks of age in his fiery hair drew my eye as they always did — as if the crystal spreading across large swaths of his body was not enough of a reminder of my future failings.

It took him a moment to notice my return, and watching his eyes widen in welcome surprise almost made up for the weight of my thoughts. The quiet confidence he’d worn before still suited him well, but I detected a hint of color in his cheeks that hadn’t been there when I left.

 _If anyone is embarrassed, it should be_ me _. You can’t know why I’m here, can you? Or… was all this in one of your books, too? Seven hells. I should have thought of that before—!_

“R-Raphail?! I… did not expect to see you again so soon! Did something go wrong?”

His words came too fast. He was hiding something for sure, about as well as a small child caught in the act of stealing from the cookie jar. What _had_ he been doing since I left? The urgency in his tone, however, was no mystery. He was truly concerned — and with good reason, given my awkward first arrival in Norvrandt. I gave him a quick smile, shaking my head by way of response, and forced down the urge to feign a missing organ as he visibly relaxed.

“All is well, then. I fear that nothing has changed in our search for a way to bring your friends home yet, but I swear to you that I _will_ find a way. No matter what it takes.”

 _Yeah. I_ know _you will. I had my suspicions, before I knew who you were… but there’s no doubt in my mind now. Alisaie was right. You’re far too selfless for your own good. Or mine._

My smile faded as I thought about what he’d said. Somewhere, between the overwhelming truth of my feelings for him and my need to settle things between us, ran a current of unresolved fury regarding that very fact. Once I saw him alive and well again, I was too overwhelmed with relief and exhaustion to bring it to bear — and the rising sense of _wrongness_ I’d felt upon my hurried return to the Source had dulled it enough to carry me this far. Now, with a fresh apology still hiding between the words he spoke, the anger began to strain at its bonds.

_Tell him what you came for, Sahra. You’re overdue in the Source. There’s no time for this._

There was _never_ enough time — for me to speak my mind, or for him to save the world without sacrificing _everything that made him who he was._ What would happen when I left again, for longer? Would I confess it all, only to watch him volunteer to die in my place again? In the Scions’ place? The Twelve knew how eager he was to do it.

_That day, when you tried to take the Light from me… Emet-Selch wasn’t the only one I wanted to kill. How you think I’d ever want to live in a world that you died to save is beyond me._

The answer to my problems had been clear only moments ago, but as I stood in front of him, confusion building in his eyes, it seemed to evaporate like a cheap glamour. What did _feelings_ matter, if I failed to address everything else? At the end of the day, he’d _still_ chosen to hide the truth and paint me a pretty picture with his clever words, instead of trusting me to find some other way to save the world that didn’t end with his death.

_I could have faced anything, if it was for you. So why…?_

“Raphail?”

He took a step toward me, his soft-spoken voice cutting through the silence. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the cracks in my soul that Ardbert had filled began to ache.

“Don’t… ever call me that again. Not anymore. I won’t have it. Do you understand me?”

He didn’t, of course. I didn’t understand it myself until it had already left my mouth. I watched as his face fell, his gaze searching the floor for some explanation for my sudden rejection. He’d heard my name a thousand times before he’d ever met me in the flesh; he’d used it often since my arrival in the First. Refusing him now had to feel like a denial of the friendship we’d shared, and made little sense following the warm welcome I’d given him after his return from Amaurot.

“Forgive me. Would you prefer I keep to your official title then, Warrior of Darkness? You have certainly earned the right to it now.”

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn’t see it.

“You _know_ my name, G’raha Tia. Try again. Or maybe you’ve read the wrong _books_.”

Lyna clearly hadn’t found a chance to explain that I’d entered the Umbilicus, seeking something — anything — to explain his final answer to the question of how we could save Norvrandt. Like her, I’d intended to keep that revelation in reserve for a more opportune time, but my mouth was well ahead of my brain at that moment; _as usual_ , most would say.

I watched him pause, uncertain of my meaning at first, but his mind — as quick and clever as mine, and, I suspected, well beyond — caught up quickly to the implications of my words. Unlike the rest of his master plan, the way his eyes widened in momentary horror told me that he hadn’t prepared for this discussion at all. The secret knowledge I’d taken from him in a vain attempt to muzzle my grief was _meant_ to outlive him by design. And yet… here we were.

_You thought you were safe when I left for the Source, didn’t you? If you’d been less bloody eager to die for me in the first place, maybe you’d have thought of this before now._

I opened my mouth to tell him as much, but I needn’t have bothered. The color in his cheeks darkened a shade, and he shook his head slowly for a moment, as if to steady himself. Then, well against anything I had expected, he found it in himself to _laugh_. The soft, self-deprecating chuckle fit the Exarch he’d become more than the hot-headed boy I’d known.

Looking back up at me in that moment must’ve taken almost as much bravery as sealing the Crystal Tower back in the Source. The First had chosen her guardian well.

“Ah. She let you in, of course. That makes sense, considering how things must have looked at the time.” He closed his eyes, swallowing against something caught in his throat. “But _if_ I knew your true name… I would also know how many people share that distinction, and how careful _you_ are to protect its knowledge. I would have no right to it. Then… or now.”

My hands balled into fists at my side.

“When I first arrived in Norvrandt, I let you keep your secrets. I trusted that you had your reasons, and I had no idea what was at stake. But we’re well past that now, G’raha. _You_ were well past that before you brought me here. So say it.”

It wasn’t a request. I stood there in front of him, my attention fixed on his face, prepared to wait as long as it took for his answer. When it finally came, the sound was not much more than a mumbled whisper on the wind, and yet it threatened to unwrite the very anger that had called it forth. Alas, crossing the distance between us and comforting him as I’d wanted to do for days would have taken the courage displaced by my rage. And so I let him fight for his voice, trembling, all on his own. Whatever he might have claimed, he _had_ earned that right.

“…R-Raph’ir.”

I let it hang in the air for a moment or two, uncertain whether my hesitation came from my unspoken desire to hear it again, or my sudden regret at hearing it for the first time under such painful circumstances. It had still been something of a gamble to assume he’d known, too. His answer confirmed that he’d seen into the deepest parts of me _before_ he chose to betray me.

 _That part of your story was true, wasn’t it? You’re no villain, but you still_ used _me to save this world. I thought I came to Norvrandt to change things, but you only needed me to ensure that_ your _plan could succeed. As long as I never knew the cost, you were happy to pay it. Was it surprising that Urianger was the only person you could find that agreed with you? I wasn't sure I could forgive him, at first… but I am sure that I’ll never forget what he did for you. For… us._

“Raph’ir.”

This time, he did not whisper. It was a firm, steady statement of fact that seemed to shout from the top of the Tower’s tallest spire. He was smiling again — Twelve, what I wouldn’t have traded for even an onze of that conviction! — but it was a wistful, guilty smile that seemed to know that it couldn’t last forever. He’d figured it out, then; perhaps not the _real_ reason I’d returned to the First, but the arrival of the inevitable storm that he’d set in motion the very moment he dared to make the assertion that my life meant more to the world than his.

“That name must sound as strange to you as mine does to me now, but I never imagined that someday I would speak it myself. If I ask you to pinch me, do you think I will fade away?” When I failed to answer him, he shrugged and let out a quiet sigh. “Perhaps I am still asleep in the Crystal Tower, and all of this has been one very long dream. I… must have been lonely.”

“Lonely? That’s funny. You were quite eager to close the door in my face at the time.” My voice was rougher than I meant it to be, and the instinct to match his witty banter with my own felt ill at ease in light of the situation. “I hope your dreams were kinder than mine. I didn’t plan to spend two weeks sleeping in shifts outside. My knuckles are still sore. Thanks for that.”

“I should have re-engaged the tower defenses sooner. Why did I ever think you would give up?”

His eyes met mine for a moment, and the warm, playful expression — even now, with his last, deepest secret exposed — brought to mind all the many reasons I’d felt at home by his side. But then his smile disappeared. “I couldn’t sleep either, at first. Every time I closed my eyes, you were… still there. Has anyone ever told you how distracting you are, my Warrior of Darkness?”

“I could say the same about you, y’know. But at least it was only a handful of years for me. And instead of waking up to find you broken on some battlefield, I found _this_.” I gestured to the Ocular around me with a wide sweep of my arm. “An entire civilization, built to stand against the Light in all its so-called glory. A second world waiting for the _gift_ of my arrival. And… an old man with a heart made of crystal. Little did I know what he had in store for me instead.”

G’raha’s face hadn’t changed at all, but his grip on his staff tightened in response to my reference to my own death. I couldn’t miss the fact that his knuckles were whiter than the day he’d faced me as a half-formed sin eater. “I had little doubt that my methods would fail to earn your approval, and I accept all responsibility for that. But I had no choice—”

“The _hells_ you didn’t.” His attempt to justify it was the last straw for my faltering patience, and my words came out as more of a growl than speech. “Going back in time to save the world? It’s crazy, but I’d do the same in your place. Waiting a hundred years to guarantee the failure of an Ascian plot? Fine. Even dragging me here to help you makes sense. But I’m looking forward to hearing why you deemed it _necessary_ to make me watch _you_ die in my place!”

My voice echoed through the silence that followed. His lower lip started to tremble along with the rest of him, and his eyes scrunched shut as he attempted to distance himself from my rage. Again, the urge to apologize, and to hold him up with my own strength, weighed heavy on me — but I’d gone too far to turn back, even though I couldn’t think of an answer that I wanted to hear.

“I… It all happened so fast. I did everything I could to make it _look_ like there was a plan, but every time I blinked, it all changed around me. When they told me you had… lost your fight, I wanted nothing more than to lie down and die myself… and then the Ironworks gave me one impossible chance to make things right. I promised Unei and Doga that I would make this Tower a beacon of hope for the world, but what did that matter? Hope was already… already—”

He still couldn’t bring himself to discuss my death. Even as angry as I was, I didn’t have it in me to force him when it came to that. I let him change the subject without interruption.

“Joining myself to the Tower _was_ necessary. The alternative was to accept that everything we had accomplished was for _naught_ because of something as _trite_ as my own mortal lifespan. And I _needed_ the time. Even after a hundred _years_ of thought, the only way I could find for you to survive your journey to the First and return to the Source was… this.”

When his eyes opened again, the glint of unshed tears reflected against their crimson glow. “ _I_ was the one that failed the Scions. _I_ was the one with the power to cross the Rift. And _I_ was the one that knew what you would have to bear. What I wanted… I spoke true in Kholusia, and I thought that you heard me that day. But that was a dream I could never have for myself. If the price for bringing hope back to both worlds at once was my own life… how could I refuse? You would have done the same in my place. I thought you would understand.”

His jaw tightened. “I never imagined you would see through me. There was a good chance you had forgotten my existence in the first place, and that… made it easier. You were always my greatest inspiration, but I was little more than a nuisance to you from the start. I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to show you that everything you taught me… it was all worth it.”

I had heard enough. It took me three long strides to close the distance between us, and another to grab the front of his robe and shove him firmly back into the wall of the Ocular near the portal. I knew he was more than a match for my physical strength, having watched him fight at Holminster and Duergar’s Tewel; had he wanted to, he could have fought back or escaped at any time. But he didn’t. I braced my free arm against the wall, looking down into his face. Only afterward did I realize it was the first time I’d laid hands on him.

“Let me make sure I understand you. You would have me accept that you did _all_ of this, every step of the way, believing that you were some kind of _thorn in my side_? That I needed you to _make amends_ for the _cardinal sin_ of knowing me? You thought it was _fine_ that I’d return to the Source, never knowing what you and the others had done for me? You thought I would _understand_ the need to throw away your life in order for _me_ to see another dawn?!”

I was yelling before I knew it, though G’raha didn’t seem fazed by it at all. His eyes had closed again, and he had turned his face to one side, his chin lowered as if inviting me to punch him. He’d decided he deserved it long ago; I understood that much after listening to him talk. Though the impulse had crossed my mind in the midst of my fury, I knew full well that following through was beyond me. This close, it was unthinkable. What I wanted to do… well. To use his words, it was a dream I could never have for myself. I’d ruined that already.

“Yes. It is the only explanation I can give you… aside from the one you discovered in the Umbilicus, of course. Whatever you think of me now, I can only begin to guess.”

I let go of his robe, and listened to the quiet sound of his shallow breathing in the stillness.

“Honestly? I think I’ve set a poor example for you. Those books about me are nothing but lies, if they’ve led you to this conclusion. And I think that in all the years I’ve lived, and all the time I’ve journeyed as the Warrior of Light, and the Warrior of Darkness… I’ve never met a bigger _idiot_ than the one in front of me right now. Congratulations. I’ll have to think of a prize.”

 _That’s wrong, though. I’m the biggest idiot of all. He’s been following in my footsteps far closer than either of us dared to believe. Looking at it that way… I should be_ proud _._

I pulled away from him and the wall both, turning my back to him. Though I had every intention of showing myself out and back to the Source I should never have left, it didn’t take long for me to realize the folly of my aim. My feet failed to carry me forward. A glance over my shoulder confirmed that the warmth spreading slowly along my back was his; the bottom of my coat was caught up in the middle of a determined, powerful crystalline fist.

“That look… I have seen it countless times before. You think that all of this has somehow been _your_ fault. And since I have the unexpected honor of being alive to do so… I _refuse_ to allow it. Do you believe that I was merely content to stand in your shadow as you guided my steps? I have made my own choices for a _hundred_ long years. Pray direct that anger where it belongs. Or will you deny me my role as the villain in this tale, as Emet-Selch has done?”

His words, though still quiet and even, were stronger than I thought possible. The man he’d become since he left the Source never failed to take me by surprise. Whatever sins I had committed in steering him toward his destiny, he had made the best of all of them. Listening to him speak, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the one falling short of the ideal. It had taken the entire Crystarium to get me to accept the results of my own choices, not so long ago.

“Raph’ir. I know that I have failed you, though doing so was never my wish. And yet, I would understand you better, if only to prevent such mistakes a second time. If you must go, then I will not hold you back, but… consider it a selfish request from a citizen of the Crystarium.”

 _Playing dirty, huh? You know damn well I can’t refuse one of those. Especially if it comes from_ you _. Nice job, Sahra. What a monster you’ve helped inspire._

The bottom of my coat fell into place again as he let go of me, but I couldn’t have moved even if I’d wanted to. The things he’d said echoed in every corner of my mind, at once condemning me for my flawed attempt to stake a claim to his suffering, and begging for the understanding that I couldn’t bear to give him. He was right, of course. No amount of self-blame and anger would undo the choices that either of us had made. We’d both done the best we could against impossible odds on our respective paths, even if the outcome had led to this.

If he’d dared to summon me without a plan in mind at all, we’d have watched side by side as the First and the Source burned together. And had he asked me to hand over the Light willingly, there might well have been bloodshed between us before it was over. Neither world had the luxury of watching and waiting for a miracle by the time I arrived in Norvrandt. What else could either of us have done? It was foolish to think I could have stopped it all somehow on my own, in full possession of the truth. Had _he_ been careless, we would never have made it this far.

I thought the full revelation of his plan had finally broken me, but it seemed that the plan itself had little to do with any of it. In the end, the explanation was as simple as the fear of losing him — and the piece of my heart he’d always held — one more time, without having the chance to match his truth with my own. And after all the years he’d waited for me, he had no way to know that he’d nearly killed me himself; he _still_ couldn’t see himself through my eyes.

Destroying that innocence would have to be my final act as Norvrandt’s Warrior of Darkness, even if it did amount to nothing more than the pot calling the kettle black.

Willing myself into motion was a feat worthy of the hero I’d become. After a moment of thought, I moved to stand next to him, my back against the same wall — and lowered myself down until I was seated on the cold marble floor. When I looked up at him, there was a question in his remarkable eyes, and I reached out to pat the space next to me in answer.

“Fine. You’re fortunate that I won’t have it said I failed a man in need. But I think you knew that, didn’t you? It’s strange, really. You seem to know me better than most… and yet somehow you’ve missed enough of the important details that I must be a complete stranger. I guess all the books in the world can’t equate to spending an entire lifetime getting to know someone. I used to think otherwise, back when I was a kid. Before I became the Warrior of Light.”

I waited for him to join me, and after a second of hesitation, he did. His movements were uncannily swift for a man of his years; almost an exact mirror of my own. Unable to prop the top-heavy staff he carried against the wall, he brought it with him to the floor, laying it across both of our laps as if he was trying to protect something precious — or ensure that I couldn’t get up again without his permission. The weight of the metal was somehow comforting, even as my hands started to shake in anticipation of the words I’d wanted to say for so many years.

“Unless some of those _details_ you mentioned reach that far back into the past, I would make the observation that you have not changed as much as you think you have. Maybe it is only my expert opinion as a historian that tells me so, but I can defend that claim if I must.”

Glancing over at the shy, playful smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth, I didn’t doubt the truth of his boast in the slightest. If given the chance, he might well press his point until the last star in Eorzea fell from the sky — which would detract from my own. I shook my head.

“We can save that story for another time. I had a different one in mind for today. You see, someone I know recently told me a story, and… well, it left quite an impression. The original ending was a bit… contrived, though, and I wanted so much more from it. I think I can do it better justice. Maybe you can add it to your collection when I’m finished.”

“A tale told by the _Warrior of Darkness_? You honor me. Moren will have my head on a pike if he ever finds out, but I promise you shall have my undivided attention.”

I took a deep breath, leaned my head back against the wall, and addressed my tale to the sky.

“Once upon a time… there was a hero that wanted to change the fate of the world. Through countless trials he emerged victorious, aided by a mysterious gift given to him by an inexplicable source yet unknown to the world he’d been charged with saving. Though he feared that his luck would someday run out, he threw himself into the face of danger again and again, until one day, he woke up to find himself in a world that was very different, and yet the same, as his own.”

As he’d promised, G’raha’s eyes never left my face. His ears stood sharp and upright, taking in every word I spoke as if it were the finest gift. Perhaps, for him, it was.

“The hero wondered what had become of him. And then a stranger wearing a dark hood came to him, seeking his aid in a daring plot to save both worlds at once. Though at first the hero doubted his role, he soon found that the suffering of the stranger’s world moved him, and he could do no less than his best to bring solace to the wounded in any way he could. Without question he strode forth into battle, believing he was more than a match for his enemy. He drew upon the gift he’d been given, and used it in defense of those who had lost all hope.”

If he had missed the arc of my story before, there was no chance he would do so now. I swallowed a lump in my throat; his smile was gone. He knew all too well what came next.

“Just when the hero thought that victory was in his grasp, tragedy struck. The gift that had aided him could no longer bear the constant strain on his body, breaking his very soul into shards. Though he tried his hardest to hold together the shattered pieces for the sake of all, it seemed certain that his enemy would succeed. The stranger, his world, and the hero’s world would all perish at the hands of those who had orchestrated their demise.”

One of my hands found its way to rest on the metal staff across my lap. The other reached, with a will of its own, toward its match in crystal form. I heard the pause in his breathing that signaled his reaction, but I dared not look at him to see the expression on his face. My only hope was that the crystal would prevent him from noticing how sweaty my palm was.

Whether it did or not mattered less than the fact that he didn’t pull away.

“The hero thought that he’d drawn his final breath. Mankind was finished. But a flash of white surrounded him, and suddenly the stranger stood before him. The stranger claimed that his goal had _always_ been to take the hero’s power for himself and then disappear, leaving behind his own fractured world in a selfish bid for a better life. But having fought at his side, the hero could not believe what he heard. He’d come to think of the stranger as a comrade and friend.”

“The hero realized that the stranger’s claim was nothing more than a falsehood, meant to keep him from understanding the stranger’s true purpose. And as the stranger’s dark hood fell away for the first and last time, the final pieces of the puzzle fell into place. The stranger, it seemed, had never been a stranger at all… but someone the hero once knew, back in his own world. Someone he’d have done anything to see again, if only he’d had the chance. Someone important that meant the world to him, though he didn’t know it until they’d parted ways.”

This time, it was impossible to miss G’raha’s reaction. His hand tightened around mine, and only the grace of the Twelve kept him from crushing it entirely. Ignoring the pain, I steeled myself to look back down at him, and what I found somehow still managed to move me. The tears he’d been holding back had spilled down his cheeks in silence, much as they had on the day I’d rescued him from Amaurot. It was no easier to watch for the second time.

“R-Raphail… Raph’ir… p-please, I… you cannot mean—!”

“Shhh. I’m not done with the story yet. Don’t you want to hear the rest? That attention looks pretty _divided_ to me, if I do say so myself, and I’m getting to the good part.”

Forcing a wry smile to accompany the gentle rebuke, I waited for him to scrub impatiently at the wetness on his face with his free arm before taking his silence as leave to continue.

“ _Anyway_ … the stranger prepared to enact the final step of his _true_ plan: restoring both worlds to their former glories and saving the hero’s life, though it meant erasing himself from the very fabric of existence. All the hero could do was look on in horror as his dearest friend took the fatal blow in his place. But then… there was a gunshot. The stranger collapsed at the feet of his beloved hero while the real villain — the one responsible for it all — laughed in the background.”

“It was a trap, of course. Once assured of his victory, the villain captured the wounded stranger and disappeared, hoping to tempt the distraught hero into recklessness fit to end his life instead. But in spite of his despair, the hero found that he had an entire city behind him, and all the friends that had unwittingly accompanied him to the stranger’s world. Together they vowed to vanquish the villain — for the sake of both worlds, and for the sake of their lost friend as well.”

I took a deep breath. “They succeeded, of course. And against all odds, the stranger survived, though he never intended to do so. That much made history. But… the story didn’t end for everyone that night. Nightmares of worlds where the stranger completed his mission survived, too. Echoes of grief for what had almost come to pass remained. Memories of walking through the stranger’s city alone, wishing he could be there to share them, still lingered.”

My voice finally started to break as I looked down into his eyes.

“Rising above it all was an endless fear: that the stranger would leap at a new opportunity to save the hero, when all the hero ever wanted was to stay by the stranger’s side. And so the hero vowed to tell him the truth, before it was too late. But… the hero made a mess of it along the way. Much like the plan you once spoke of… his own were never far from disaster, either.”

G’raha’s tears were no longer silent. He made no effort to conceal the sobs that wracked his entire body, tearing the breath from his lungs. His hand had gone limp beneath mine. My own grasp on my emotions was tenuous at best, but I couldn’t bear to hold back any longer.

It didn’t take much convincing. Moving the hand I’d placed in his up to his shoulder prompted him to throw himself at me. Clinging to the front of my coat as if his very life depended on it, he buried his dripping face in the scarlet silk. The metal staff on top of us clattered to the floor unneeded; neither of us noticed or cared. The only thing that mattered in that moment was the feel of him in my arms as I held him, resting my forehead down against his.

_This… is the way it was always meant to be. Everything that led us here, everything that we’ve suffered, all our mistakes… for this, I would face it all a hundred times over again._

_For the first time in my life, my soul is… content._

I lost track of the time that passed as I waited for him to recover; it might have been minutes or days. Eventually his shuddering stopped, and he grew quiet against me aside from the occasional reflexive sniffle. His grip on my jacket relaxed, though he didn’t let go; I didn’t want or need him to do so anytime soon. Then, and only then, did I manage to find my voice again.

“You wanted to understand me. To avoid making these mistakes again. You know more than anyone else alive how many times I’ve been forced to stand by and watch while others that I loved gave their lives to protect me. I’ll spend the rest of my own trying to honor them. But _none_ of them would ever have gone as far as you did. I’m ashamed of myself for wasting so many words in anger when I should be _thanking_ you. It might be my only chance to do so. But—”

As I started to speak, the eye of the storm began to move again, and the unexpected calm that I’d somehow managed to summon for the sake of getting through my story betrayed me. There were things I’d never said before to another living soui, and in the wake of everything that had happened between us, they carried even more weight than they had before. My arms tightened around him, but it still wasn’t enough to hold my words — or my composure — together.

“Twelve damn it. I… can’t do _any_ of this alone, G’raha. I’ve seen too much… I’ve lost everything so _many_ times, but somehow… some way… I have to keep fighting. So… please… if you want so badly to save my life… then _live_ for me. That… is what I need more than anything. There’s no villain in this world, or any other, that can stand against us… together.”

I barely had time to acknowledge the tears on my own cheeks before he moved, reaching up with his natural hand to brush them away. His touch would have been gentle enough to destroy the last of my poise, if not for the way that every part of my frantic mind chose instead to focus on the new sensation of his skin against mine. The lifeless crystal had been one thing, but I had not prepared at all for _this_ ; any remaining doubt I still had about my need for him vanished.

 _Mama would kill me. First Aymeric, and now this? How am I supposed to pass on the Sahra name if I keep falling for my own kind? But I think it would be enough for her to see me happy. If she’d done all the things everyone_ expected _her to do in her life, I wouldn’t even_ be _here. But I’m getting ahead of myself. For now… this floor is far too cold for an_ old man _. Pity._

Judging from the color of his face, I needn’t have worried about him noticing my distraction; he had enough of his own to deal with. He was looking up at me, his fingers still pressed to the side of my cheek. A brave smile started to shine through the shadows of grief that haunted his eyes. 

“Far be it from me to deny you such a humble request, my Warrior of Darkness. You have my word. Though I must say, despite all the stories I have read, I… never realized you might return my affections. I thought I understood you to have a _waiting line_ of qualified _ladies_ —”

The best answer to his leading question, of course, was to stop him from asking it in the first place. As close as he was already, I couldn’t help myself; a simple duck of my head was all it took to press my lips against his, searching gently for the best fit.

Whatever I had expected from his reaction paled in comparison to the reality. Watching his face in secret, I knew the exact moment that his crimson eyes went wide in stunned surprise, and the exact moment when they closed again, pleading with me to continue. His reflexive attempt to whisper my name got entirely lost in the dance somewhere and never resurfaced. By the time I forced myself to pull back again, I couldn’t tell which of us had run out of breath first.

“Well, then. Unless you want to argue with me… now you know.”

The sound of his laughter filled the Ocular, and this time, he held nothing back out of shame or regret. At that moment, I swore an oath to myself that I would do anything to hear it forever.

“Would it be too forward of me to ask for further proof?”

“Yes. But I’ll forgive you. It’s what a hero’s supposed to do, after all.”

After a second long, lingering kiss, I dragged myself away long enough to adjust my grip on him. Sliding one arm under his bent knees gave me the leverage I needed to lift him up off of the cold, hard floor. With some difficulty, I managed to rise to my feet, still carrying him in my arms.

For a moment, my mind strayed to the fairy tales my mother had told me as a child. Though I was no prince among men — and he was no _princess_ — somehow the analogy seemed right enough anyway. The clever, witty, daring, and powerful man in my arms was so much more than I could ever have dreamed, but among all the things that came to mind, the one that stood out the most was my _equal_. That book, it seemed, I would have to write myself.

_You’ve come so far on this wild adventure of yours, even if it was only for my sake. I’m proud of you, G’raha. And… Twelve take me, but if that’s the case, then I’ll have to be proud of myself, too. No more doubt. No more fear. Let’s see this through. Until the end of time itself._

As I helped him back down to his feet, the smile on his face made me believe that I _could_.

* * *

A short while later, things had settled into a new kind of ordinary. G’raha had taken up his usual post by the portal, but he stood a little taller than he had when I’d arrived, and his shoulders seemed a little straighter. There was a sparkle deep in his crimson eyes that spoke to the boy he’d been before — or perhaps it belonged to the Exarch himself this time. I looked forward to having a chance to distinguish between the two in full detail, someday.

Lyna had been and gone, making her regular daily report. In the absence of the everlasting Light, things in Lakeland and the rest of Norvrandt continued their slow and steady uphill trajectory — not that I had expected any difference. G’raha’s timely repeat of the cloaking maneuver he’d used to hide me from Ran’jit prevented her from noticing my return, though I swear that I saw her leporine nose twitch a time or two, picking up my scent on his breath.

She was, for all intents and purposes, his _granddaughter_. What would she gain from watching her grandfather lock lips with the Warrior of Darkness, other than a distaste for us both?

For my part, I stood at his back, my own resting comfortably against his. Despite everything that had changed for us in the last several bells, one important thing remained the same: I was _firmly_ overdue in the Source. Though he hadn’t said as much, it seemed clear to me that he couldn’t make the journey at my side; if he could have, he would have done so already. That, of course, meant another inevitable _farewell_. A lesser hero might have refused in my place.

But I was the Warrior of Darkness. And the Warrior of Light. And this time, I knew that when I returned, I would find him waiting there for me, armed with the same heartbreaking smile that never failed to take my breath away, no matter which world it came from.

I’d given him my heart, and he’d given me his word.

That was all that we needed to keep changing our fates, one day at a time.

I made my way over to the portal itself, letting out a quiet sigh of regret; the sound seemed to come from his direction before I realized we’d each done it at the same moment. He was the first to laugh though, shrugging at me with a guilty-as-charged grin.

“You have a long journey ahead of you. Pray keep yourself safe until the Source knows all that has happened here. I will try not to miss you… but do not stay longer than you must.”

I reached out and took his natural hand in both of my own. Then I pulled it toward me and brushed my lips across the back of it, taking special care to hit all of the gaps between the ornate laces decorating his skin. The sudden blush in his cheeks made me grin, too.

“Sorry to leave you with all that ugly research ahead of you. Once we manage to get the Scions back to Eorzea, though… we’ll have to find something to do that doesn’t involve _books_. I have a few ideas. Maybe you do, too. We can try all of them.”

“I… will look forward to that day.”

After gently letting his hand fall back to his side, I took my last few steps toward the portal — and stopped, one last time, to look over my shoulder, a serious expression on my face.

“Hey. That story I told you _will_ be continued. Right… G’raha Tia?”

His eyes met mine as he nodded, pressing his opposite fist into his crystal palm; the exact mirror of my own determination in the form of body language.

“To be continued… Raph’ir.”

“Good.”

I let him see me smile before I stepped through the portal’s surface and into the swirling Rift, feeling like five times the man I’d been the last time I’d tried.

Though I knew not how much time would pass in either world before I returned, I knew it would be more than my mind or body wanted to bear. And yet, in spite of it all…

…as long as he _lived_ , we had all the time we needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading _Once Upon a Time_! I’m so glad to see this story do well, since I wasn’t sure how much patience people would have once Raphail was a bigger presence in the story compared to _Child’s Play_. This is more the kind of thing that I write on a regular basis, so it’s a good sign for the future.
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, comments, questions, and/or kudos are always welcome. And, of course, I hope you’ll consider sticking around for the other stories in _The Crystal Collection_ , or some of my other works as well!
> 
> For more information on my current writing schedule and the other FFXIV stuff I spend my time on, please check out my [Carrd site](https://raphsdesk.carrd.co/) at your convenience.


End file.
